We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
