He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
