So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
