I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
