so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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