Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
