ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
