When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
