Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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