Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
