I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
