oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
