I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sext me about skeletons
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize