Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
