Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
