I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
