Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
