dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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