Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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