I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize