i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
