physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you will always have a special place in my vag
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
