the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
