What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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