I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
