Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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