My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
