Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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