Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize