Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
