when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
