it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
