I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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