my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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