I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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