and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm at about main and main street
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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