my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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