Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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