My first STD was from a foam party
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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