Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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