go do what you do best...puke behind churches
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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