I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
