I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize