idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
