I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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