I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
