I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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