you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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