I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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