So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
