The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
