who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
