I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
