The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
