She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
