I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
