She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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