I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
