If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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