He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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