Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
