You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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