if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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