I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
