dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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