It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
