Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
