Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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