You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
