Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
