there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
