you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize