The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
