i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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