Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
