Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
