You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
