i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
