It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize