I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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