the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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