We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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