it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
