the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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