i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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