you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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