return my video game
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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